Spare Arms Needed

 

liefeld

 

I wish I had more time.

 

Or more arms.

 

And here’s why:  I want to draw a short story where I’m on a plane flying to China when it hits me- I forgot to learn how to speak Mandarin.  It probably happens to many people.  It’s one of those things like forgetting to turn off the oven.   Luckily the guy in the seat parallel to mine tells me not to worry.  He proclaims that with a little bit of guidance, his guidance, I can speak perfect Chinese.  Wonderful!  Perfect! Problem solved.  Not with standing, this man sitting next to me, the one giving me sagely advice…. is Rob Liefeld.

 

                           A Brief History of Rob Liefeld (if you don’t know who he is)

 

Rob Liefeld became known for drawing comics in the 90s, specifically the New Mutants and X-Force.  Spike Lee put him in a commercial.  A video was made on how to draw like Rob Liefeld.  And you can buy pillowcases with his drawings on them.  At one point he left the Oligopoly of comic book publishers and founded Image Comics with a few other well-known comic artists and writers wanting to produce comics they owned out right with the ability to explore new content of what comic books could be.  Rob did not follow this formula.  Instead he ripped off nearly every character that already existed and gave them generic names such as Psilence, Diehard, Riptide and Prophet.  He became known for the lengthy delays between his comic releases- having several months go by before even a mention of the next issue.  Today there is a fake twitter account under his name with comments that almost sounds like the real Rob is writing them.  And this is all without diving into the swiss cheese like holes in his actual drawing skills.  For that you should see to the below two articles:

 

http://www.progressiveboink.com/2012/4/21/2960508/worst-rob-liefeld-drawings

 

http://www.progressiveboink.com/2012/6/14/3084348/the-second-40-worst-rob-liefeld-drawings

 

The Rob in my story attempts to cover up an inferior knowledge of Mandarin with the same techniques he uses to cover up his inferior knowledge of drawing… anything.

 

His go-to: pouches. Lots and lots of pouches.  Are you unsure about how to ask where the library is?-cover it with a pouch!  Does your pronunciation of the words “Ni Hao” pass off as the sound of a car running over a chubby fourth grader – cover it with a pouch!

 

Hey- I can’t really point a finger at the guy.  I bought his comics when I was a kid.  But what inspired me to want to draw this twisted idea was that at the end of one of his comics he drew a couple of pages featuring him proposing to his wife.  To me, Rob Liefeld might just be better on the page than he is at creating one.